The Firefly Companion's Guild

Building community and heart into the Firefly 'verse

Emotional labor, sex work, and the Companion

This article appeared in my Facebook feed this morning. I'm going to elide whatever political thoughts that could emerge (and have, to be honest) and focus on other aspects of what it has to say. Where it grabbed me the hardest relative to the Guild was the discussion of emotional labor. In other words, the support and attention paid by sex workers of various natures to their clientele that comes part and parcel with the physical intimacy, the former of which is prone to be expected of women far more often than it is of men.

Reading this and contemplating its meaning drew me up short on one thought pattern I've been cultivating until now. I've been prone to use the term sex worker to discuss Companion services. This is only partially accurate. While yes, the Companions often provide sexual intimacy to communicate and enhance the emotional intimacy, what they provide first and foremost is the emotional part. Some Companions only do the emotional aspect. In order to be a sex worker, one must provide the sex, even if only in symbolic form such as a lap dance. And our Guild siblings who never provide the fourth Enjoyment are just as fully engaged and qualified as Companions as the ones who do.

This, I think, is where the Companion overlaps with the sex worker but does not equate to one. The Guild is up front about providing emotional labor while the average sex worker tends to provide it as an unspoken adjunct. It's mandatory to the Encounter. This is how the Companion ends up in a twilight world between the sex worker and the therapist. While sex is a violation of therapeutic practice for the certified professional, it's a tool in the Companion's kit. And while sex is a part of the offerings of the Guild, it's not the point to it. And as the therapist focuses on the issues the patient brings to their sessions, the Companion's focus is a bit broader, combining aesthetics with comfort and thus accommodating a wider set of needs for the client. Of course, a therapist's office is laid out to help their patients settle into the mood of the session. But they don't do it to give a deeper pleasure on average. That would put the need to keep the sessions down to a set number of minutes at risk. Meanwhile, the Companions I have had the pleasure of sharing tea with have outfitted their ceremony spaces to provide a more intimate and relaxing atmosphere. There's no sense of being on a timer.

As a side note I feel compelled to make, I also suspect that specifically providing and becoming adept at the practice of emotional labor is why our male Companions are both a bit more rare and also are men to appreciate and respect. Western society frowns on men providing emotional labor unless they're therapists. They're not supposed to show or discuss emotion on an average basis  The exceptions are most often anger and devotion to a sports team, with love of their romantic partner(s) being something they're expected to handle awkwardly and mostly express via gift-giving. This may be worse in the US than in European cultures, but it tends to play out on both sides of the pond to certain degrees from what I've observed. Our men, on the other hand, actively pursue and study intimacy. They learn how to perceive others' emotions and how to interact with them accordingly, all aimed at making them feel loved. This is the emotional labor a woman is socialized to provide from childhood. We're not all brilliant at it, but any woman who enters the Guild already has some knowledge of how to be supportive and warm toward people. It's what we're supposed to do.

My point to all of this is that I have realized the Companion is better described as a love worker. Whether the camaraderie found in a well-negotiated treaty, the sense of rightness at finding the appropriate ensemble for an event, the connection within a deep conversation, or the passion of joyful sex, love is the thread that unites the Companion's services. That is the warmth offered in a cold 'verse. It's in the gaze, the tea, all of it.

I know this will not surprise my older siblings. I'm sure you've all figured this out already. Your meimei is catching up and catching on, wishing also to get this down so future acolytes who venture onto this Ning can think the same things over. It also refines and reinforces the information for me to write all this.

In that spirit, I love you. All of you, whether we've spent time together or not. And I see better now that love is our strength and our bond. Thank you all for what you do and who you are. This is a very special task we learn and perform.

Views: 148

Comment by Persephone Emerald on November 25, 2015 at 6:50pm

Great post! :-)

Comment by Beeflin Grut on November 26, 2015 at 12:50am
My particular core activity as a Companion is providing touch, a process in which sexual desire is generated from interest in and care for my clients, not by any need for my own gratification. This way of living is constantly joyous and never gets dull.
Comment by Varahi Lusch on November 26, 2015 at 2:21am

So much beauty from everyone! *shines like a loaf of bread*

Comment by Varahi Lusch on November 26, 2015 at 12:02pm

It's so important to be joyful in our Companion work - we don't get paid for what we do, so it has to be fun and joyful for us. We should only accept applications that excite us, or at the very least make us feel keen to take on a challenge. No matter how much our clients needs and want we should only provide what bring us pleasure. I feel that this will then becomes mutual pleasure - a phenomena that needs it's existence proving time and time again :D

Comment by Lysana McMillan on November 26, 2015 at 4:17pm

Thank you all for the comments and further enlightenment. I'm glad to know this resonated.

Comment by Beeflin Grut on November 27, 2015 at 1:45pm
Yes, it hits a core question.

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