Growing pains

[Lysana McMillan]

Yep, one week in and I can report growing pains. A relationship I had been maintaining for the last two years in SL became a former relationship this week, and what I've experienced so far with the Guild contributed to that. We didn't break up because of the Guild per se. I applied mindfulness to an odd reaction I was having with another lover and saw clearly what had been gnawing at me. I'd stopped loving him months ago.

In a fit of ironic timing, Zen's class on Love Without Attachments the next night gave final voice to why I ended matters. I was staying out of a sense of obligation. I was relegating my needs to second-class status. And in so doing, I was hurting myself and repeating patterns from prior abusive relationships. My ex wasn't abusive, but I responded to him and the problems we were having as if he was.

I surrendered my power to someone who couldn't see I had done so. I placed my heart in the hands of someone incapable of fulfilling my needs. In those acts, I permitted a sweet and caring man to unwittingly run roughshod over me. And it was the love I've found within the Guild and its lessons thus far that let me see it.

I doubt this will be the last time I notice growing pains. Just didn't consciously expect the first set to happen this early in the process. And my thanks to those in the Guild who have been instrumental in helping me through it.

[Varahi Lusch]

Hugs Lysana, we are so often victims of our own habits. As someone who also has a tendency to 'relegate my needs to second-class status' I rejoice in your realisation and wish you luck with your many transitions to becoming who you will be!

[Beeflin Grut]

Amazing to realise you'd both been abused by the relationship, so hopefully ending it will help you both.